41ST. Twenty-twenty

Today is 20th of February. Today is her birthday… From today onward, she will be 20 years old… But I guess this year birthday is not a good birthday for her… I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to advice, and I don’t know what to do. Last week when we were talking on the phone, I ask her, how is she going to celebrate her birthday, then she answer me ‘never celebrate, stay at home’. Then I replied said if she really stays at home, I will give her a call and accompany her in chatting. Today is the day, and yet, I never call her. Not that I don’t dare, it’s just that something happened and I think it is a bad time to give her a call. I send my wishes in text to her anyway.

Recently, I am very moody, and start to be a little bit emo. It has been awhile since the last time I was emo-ing. Yesterday I went out alone. When I drove home, I felt that it took me longer time than usual to get home. By the time within, my mind came across a lot of pictures, just like a flash slice show. What can I say? I miss my past, but I desire of my future. Last time, I used to have a mind picture on what I have and who I am in my mind, but now, some pieces of puzzle are missing and I still searching for it. Not in the way that searching the old one, but looking for the new one as well… I know it sound confusing, even me myself also don’t know what I am writing now. Just, forget about it…

Sometimes, I do like February, but sometimes, I do hate February. Cause every time when it’s come to February, I will be emo all the times. Anyway, Rebekah, Happy 20th birthday… May all your dreams and wishes come true…